


Afraid To Love

by kuromochi



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Fluff, M/M, a little bit of kissing and hugging, a little ooc and out of canon, more of a character/relationship analysis fic, um solid is very cute in this fic...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 08:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5659543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuromochi/pseuds/kuromochi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(*my first ever fanfic*)<br/>Post-MGS1/Pre-MGS2? Plot-less character analysis-type of fic. Otacon/Snake. (Implied Fox/Snake?)</p><p>Do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afraid To Love

_I want to ask you…_

_Do you think love can bloom even on a battlefield?_

_Yeah… I do. I think at any time, any place, people can fall in love with each other. But…if you love someone, you have to be able to protect them._

 

Snake reiterated the words he had spoken in reply to Otacon’s strange question during the Shadow Moses Incident.

Snake was currently living in a small, shabby apartment with the engineer as they began their work in the anti-Metal Gear NGO, Philanthropy. During their short time together, he and Otacon had created a bond of somewhat…a friendship. They weren’t just mere coworkers anymore; the two found a shared passion and belief, and had come to better understand each other. They were great partners during missions with Otacon’s precise intel and Snake’s expert infiltration skills. As well as their overall collaboration off missions and dealing with living in the same household.

 _Still, it was just that. They were friends, nothing more._

Is what Snake wanted to believe.

_~~_

It was 2 AM and Snake still had trouble sleeping. Otacon stayed up to watch his anime and was now sleeping on the other side of the couch, wrapped in a thin blanket. Snake noticed another blanket on top of him as well. Must have been Otacon. Snake closed his eyes again trying to get back to sleep, but images from his past came flooding back to him.

FOXHOUND. Infiltrating Outer Heaven, his first real mission. The betrayal of his commanding officer, Big Boss, who  turned out to be his father. His target, the weapon, Metal Gear.  In the end, however, it all came down to one person. Gray Fox, his best friend, and the one Snake truly loved and cared about. Fox showed him the ropes, taught him, trained with him, gave him everything he could. And Snake returned the favour by saving him in Outer Heaven. 

_It was mutual. Their love. Their trust. Or was it really?_

Zanzibarland. When everything in Snake’s life crumbled and fell apart. The person he had trusted the most faded away from him, and the two were forced into a fist fight to the death. At the time, Snake couldn’t - didn’t - want to believe Fox had betrayed him. Left him for Big Boss. But in his heart he knew already,

“All I can do is fight, Snake... all I can do is fight.”

and Snake fought, and he won, and he ran away from the flames of war.

“I swear I won't turn out like you.”

And then Shadow Moses. More memories flashed quickly in his mind. Of the cyborg ninja who was on neither side. It was Gray Fox once again, back from the dead, unable to leave the past behind him.  It was until the very end when he sacrificed himself to save Snake, resulting in another time Snake couldn’t save Fox. Crushed under the foot of Metal Gear REX, the walking nuclear weapon was controlled by his supposed twin brother, Liquid Snake.

“You enjoy all the killing, that’s why.”

_...No. You’re wrong. You’re wrong...I-_

The scene abruptly changed and dead corpses of soldiers were sprawled on the floor with blood splattered on the walls of a room. Snake stood in the pool of blood as he looked at his clothes and the gun in his hands, soaked in red.

"I watched your face when you did it. It was filled with the joy of battle." Liquid's voice resounded through the room.

_It’s not like that...._

Snake gritted his teeth. "LIQUID!" he yelled angrily, but there was a slight shakiness in his voice. Liquid's voice boomed in his ears as Liquid laughed menacingly, and suddenly he felt nauseated, putting a hand to the side of his head. He heard a scream rip through the room. It was Meryl's voice. The scene changed into black nothingness. Meryl appeared a couple of feet away from him, writhing on the ground in pain and begging for Snake to save her. Before  Snake could so much as take a step, Meryl screamed one last time before falling silent, and melting into the dark abyss.

_No. Stop._

The pain in Snake's heart grew until it became too unbearable for him to withstand, and he fell on his hands and knees. Snake felt like he was slowly drowning as his whole body pulsated.

_Stop...._

_...Please..._

"S-...ake..."

It was at that moment he heard Otacon's voice. But Snake couldn't reply. His voice was missing. Like a light at the end of the tunnel, Snake tried to reach for it and follow Otacon's voice back out.

Until the darkness collapsed around him.

And then there was nothing.

~~

"-David!"

Snake woke up with a shout, startled and drenched in sweat. His heart was pounding and his breath was harsh and raspy. Snake blinked the beads of sweat away from his eyes before noticing that Otacon was hovering over him, clearly with a distraught look on his face.

"Snake! Are you alright!? I've never seen you this tense before." Otacon asked, worriedly, as he wiped the sweat off  Snake's forehead with a small rag. Snake groaned and muttered, "Fine...I'm fine, Otacon...", as he attempted to sit upright, pulling his legs off the couch. His head hurt and Snake felt dizzy, as he put his hand to his face. His breathing was still heavy and he noticed his body was shaking.

"I-I'll go get you some water." Otacon offered, a bit shaken up himself and stood up from the couch ,until he felt something tug on his shirt from behind.

Snake lightly gripped Otacon's shirt with a shaky hand, averting his eyes, cheeks slightly flushed.

"W-wait...Sorry...could you just...stay here for a bit?"

Otacon was surprised, but obliged and silently sat back down next to Snake. It was rare for Snake to want company after his nightmares; usually insisting that he was 'fine' and Otacon would leave him alone until he was his usual self again. Though Otacon tended to insist on 'taking care' of him in hopes he could soothe Snake's stress levels somehow. Snake then slipped down to the side and rested his head on Otacon's shoulder. He mumbled something Otacon couldn't quite catch but then Otacon proceeded to brush his hand through Snake's hair. At times like these, Otacon seemed to have a motherly caring sense that he believed Snake appreciated, though Snake would never admit it. On the side Snake was leaning on, Otacon took it upon himself to hold his trembling hand. Snake flinched from the sudden intrusion of warmth, but didn't reject it. They stayed like that for a while, holding hands, and Snake gradually became calmer.

"You're really cute, Snake." Otacon said quietly, smiling.

Snake sat up silently and stared at Otacon, flustered.

"......I don't know how to respond to that." Otacon chuckled in response. He then carefully, but smoothly grabbed Snake's face with his hands, and Otacon leaned towards him.

But Snake turned away.

"I...can't."

"...Why not?"

Snake sighed and hunched forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.

"...Remember that time when you asked me if love can bloom even on a battlefield?"

"Yeah. I remember. And you said people could fall in love with each other at any time or place."

"But you have to be able to protect them..." Snake muttered. "...I did love someone once, but I couldn't protect them nor save them...and now they're gone...Ha. Maybe it wasn't even love. I don't want to get involved in other people's lives. I don't need more complications in my life. Emotions. Trust. Empathy. I don't need them anymore."

Snake might have just been saying that. Out of spite? Out of anger? Who knows. Maybe it was that dream that made him feel like acting childish.  It still hurt to think about.

"You're afraid, aren't you." Snake winced at Otacon's unnaturally harsh words. It was the truth, but there was something uneasy about someone telling you that aloud. "You're afraid to love, in case you can't protect them. You don't want to get hurt anymore."

"Yeah, so I'm not the 'strong hero' everyone makes me out to be. I...I'm weak. I'm not strong enough to protect those around me. I can't care for other people or their feelings. What of it?" Snake growled back defensively, spinning his head back at Otacon.

"But, Snake- no, David," and Otacon was smiling again, leaning closer to Snake,  "That's a part of what I love about you."

"I love you, David. I love your selfish, vulnerable side. It shows that you're human, just like everyone else, not the cold killer you might make yourself to believe. You _are_ strong. I know for a fact but it's not in your physical strength that makes out how strong you are, it's your heart. Even still, not everyone stays strong for long, it'll just hurt you more. You've suffered way longer than I'll ever know, but I want to be the one to ease the pain, to make you forget your suffering. We live in the now, worry about the future when it comes. And I love you now and right now I say I'll love you until the end of time."

Snake's face had the expression of a deer caught in headlights, mixed with frustration and total embarrassment. Before he could rebuttal, however, he was interrupted by the clashing of lips on lips. Otacon then moved his hand onto the back of Snake's neck. It was awkward at first, with Otacon's soft lips colliding with his chapped and confused ones. Slowly moving his hand up to Snake's head, Otacon lightly pushed Snake's face closer to his. In the heat of it all, Snake gave in and canted his head to the side, letting Otacon take control of the situation. With arms wrapped around each other, they soon broke apart in need of air.

Snake burrowed his head down in Otacon's shoulder, as he sighed.

"I...don't know what I'd do if I lost you...Hal."

"I'll be by your side, Dave. Always," Otacon replied softly, blushing deeply as they continued to embrace one another.

 

_So, let me love you._

 

_~~_

Extra/Omake:

 

"You know, Hal, you say some pretty embarrassing things. Talking about love this and love that...and using my real name..."

Otacon blushed, pushing his glasses up nervously, "W-well it came out just like that. And besides, I think David is a cute name, though Solid Snake is a lot cooler. But to think _the_ Solid Snake could be this cute."

"Stop calling me cute, dammit," Snake snapped back, glaring angrily.

Otacon laughed. "But, you know how you said you didn't want to get involved in other people's lives. Isn't that a little too late now? I mean, we've been living together for a while now with our working together in Philanthropy. We talk to each other almost constantly, we eat together, take care of each other, should I keep going?"

"........" Snake grumbled.

"You really are so cute," Otacon teased.

 

**Author's Note:**

> based on this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9LylmwNdM0 
> 
> more notes here: http://kurodoodles.tumblr.com/post/136791043907/ 
> 
> The main idea of this fic is that Solid said those words in relation to falling in love with Fox. But after Fox’s betrayal in MG2 and ‘death’, he felt like he could no longer love anyone bc he was afraid. He was afraid to get hurt/betrayed again or that he couldn’t protect them like what happened with Fox. I mean, Snake couldn’t save Fox. Twice. Basically he was afraid to accept Otacon’s love bc he didn’t want to lose someone he cared about again. But. I guess it was too late. haha. uvu
> 
> Otacon's rather persistent in this fic. Lol. Though tbh, I'm pretty satisfied with the way I portrayed Otacon. I tried to keep his awkwardness/nervousness a little, but i also wanted to see Otacon taking the initiative once in a while. u-u
> 
> I'm not even a writer. lol.


End file.
